Listen to the blog post here.
In the Sunday Blog post “Ventbox: How To Express Negative Emotions”, the last tip on venting effectively was to not just recount your experience, but to reconstrue it. This is a pivotal step to making the most out of your vent, so I wanted to spend some time going over it.
To reconstrue an event means to go beyond the facts of the situation and explore the why. It involves assessing what motivated the people involved to act a certain way, and what can be learned from the situation. Here are some ways to do just that.
- Take your time. The level-headed thinking required to reconstrue doesn’t come naturally when pouring out your emotions. So the trick is to take some time between the situation and when you reflect on it. A quick vent can be followed by deep breathing, followed by collecting yourself, and only then proceeding to reconstrue.
- Don’t assume the truth. The why behind something is always more gray than the what. You might pinpoint why you acted in a certain way, but assuming another’s thought process is exactly that. An assumption. For example, I had a contractor make multiple mistakes with renovation work at my home. It would further damage our relationship and my psyche if I assumed they committed the successive ones on purpose because of how I handled the first mistake.
- Don’t assume the worst. This can be difficult to do, especially when it feels obvious, but giving the benefit of the doubt to another can help you focus on other aspects of the situation. It also gives you peace of mind. For example, if someone cuts you off while driving, think of a good reason why they might be in a rush instead of assuming they’re a bad driver.
- Focus on what you could’ve done. In a lot of cases, everyone involved has a degree of culpability. Finding yours can help you bring your focus to the things you can control, such as how you’ll approach a similar situation the next time around. For example, did you raise your voice in an argument? How did that impact how the rest of the conversation went?
Reconstruing is not an easy task. It takes a lot of humility and self-awareness to hold yourself accountable, especially in situations where your accountability is minimal. The point is that getting hung up on the actions of others can leave a lasting negative impact on your own mental health. That's why venting alone isn’t the solution. Reconstruing can take the emotional relief you feel from venting and turn it into a full-blown recovery.
Tuesday Deep Dive is a series where we discuss in more detail a specific point made in the previous Sunday Blog.